For the past few months, heck, my life, I've had my share of times of "adversity". Living with my mother and watching her battle cancer twice, losing her to cancer to try and find myself as a young mother, growing up with a single mom and missing out on a father in the home...all of those were major life lessons in adversity.
Then, I have two babies. I have two beautiful, lovely children who end up both having special needs. I sat yesterday, on the end of my couch after a month that has seemed completely impossible. It has felt as if the world is crumbling right around me. Nothing is easy. I feel as if there's zero grace coming my way. I feel like I could run and never, ever, ever look back. ALL of it was because of me being a mother. Advocating for my kids. Caring for them, running them to health appointments or tutoring, or constantly managing ADHD behavior or mental exhaustion since Lexi is a cochlear implant recipient.
Yes, people, I count my blessings every single day that my child is able to run, to laugh, to HEAR, to focus due to some amazing medication. However, there are times you don't see. The mornings of chaos when ADHD meds are no present. Or Lexi's massive rebellion on overload when she can't hear me. Or when I feel like the horrible bad guy for advocating for my children at school. When I feel like the outcast because I want them to be given a little grace for all they've overcome. Yesterday, I had had ENOUGH.
This weekend was the icing on the cake. THE ONE THING Lexi has done well in life and that is EASY to her is pitching on her travel team. A month ago, she became ridden with pain and has been in 3-day a week appointments to heal. She can play other positions, but on a new team, she is struggling to find her identity simply because she can't do what she does best. She's been a mess because of it and it is just so hard to watch!
Sunday, I sat at the end of our couch and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I looked at Kevin and said "why do things have to be so difficult??"
The following morning, I ran into a dear friend and man I coach softball with. He's just a great guy. After he listened to a 30 second blah blah from me about Lexi's back and her struggles lately, he looked at me and said, "Jaime, this is just Lexi learning ADVERSITY."
WHAT A WORD I NEEDED! So simple, yet it hadn't even crossed my mind. I can think "she's getting tougher, she's learning to play other positions...etc", but I had yet to apply an over-arching theme that God continually does in us...HE TEACHES US ADVERSITY.
Jacob needs to learn adversity as he grows into a dependable young man. Lexi needs to learn adversity to grow into a young, respectful young lady. Kevin and I need to learn adversity to ensure we are responsible in all of our parental and financial decision-making.
So whatever storms that rage, winds that blow or rain that pours onto your life and relationships...or even on your CHILDREN, remember that in order to be trusted with "more", we need to be taking care of the "less" we currently have. ADVERSITY.